I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just blew my weed a kiss
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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