Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My life is pants optional.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
