did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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