i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
