Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
