so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
