I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
