I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
