Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
