halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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