She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
