It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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