yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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