Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
