But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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