I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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