oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
