There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
