i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
