There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
