That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You can't just leave with hair like that
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize