she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
