well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
