Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
