Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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