I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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