Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
