What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
