She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
