is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
