is your mom at the bar?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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