i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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