I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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