u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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