just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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