I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want to have your abortion
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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