new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
