I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
