i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
