Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
