It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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