so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
