In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize