i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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