college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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