my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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