Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
