Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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