the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
