I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize