We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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