i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
