the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
