Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I would ride that face into the sunset
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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