you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize