Nicole vs. Life
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
