So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize