i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize