I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
