I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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