I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you never un-have a 4some
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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