my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
