It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
