just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
