Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
