We named our party play list daddy issues
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
