he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
