maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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