The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
