so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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