I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
