Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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