Soap is not a condiment
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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