She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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