i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Vodka?
Forever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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