I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
