their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
