you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
