Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
