Where are you?
In a non slutty way
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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