the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
