Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize