u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
