what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
