Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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