He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
