just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
