so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
