I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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