driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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