Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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