he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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