So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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